I see you there, eyes
resting above your cheeks,
holding every single thing
you have ever seen, the beauty,
the muck, the soundtrack
of booming laughter hovering
over your years like a warm
quilt pieced together by your
grandmother’s hands, the death
& the birth & the smiles that
you can so deeply feel
in your heart, a million dimples
dropping in at the same time to
cradle our memories, basins
of tenderness, valleys baking
in the sun at a bird’s eye view,
I see you
a million eyelashes clicking
together, synchronized,
in unfettered joy,
your stories, the ones
that you tell yourself,
the ones that are true,
the unfinished chapters,
the blank white page drawing
in the first pencil stroke of a
new beginning, I see you,
your creative gorgeousness
encircling you, an aura
of all the things that
light you right the fuck up,
I feel its connection
to mine
this is a jollification
of our spirits dancing
through the seconds
as they tumble off our
self-imagined clocks
this is our courage
unleashed, the moment
the word YES sat
on the edge of
our lips, pondering,
putting on her boots,
standing up to spread
her arms out wide
only
to let
go
— Hi, I’m Amanda Oaks, curator of connection & provisioner of benevolent beauty at Kind over Matter & Words Dance. Mama. Lover. Poet. Multi-Passionate Solopreneur. Kindness Advocate. I love laughing more than most anything. Wanna rock this trip around the sun? Dig this.
There’s kind of an inside joke in our family, that being my phrase “Rules are for people who need them.” I know. Radical. But honestly, the best times I have ever had, the most creative I’ve ever been, the most fulfilled I’ve felt is when I’ve ignored “the rules.” (If it sounds like I’ve done it a lot, it’s because I have!)
I took up line dancing in the mid-1990′s as a much-needed act of joy. The generally accepted formula is you take lessons for a couple of months and then try going to “real” dances. Well, I didn’t. I just started going to dances (not bars, but dances held by groups at community halls). And you know what? Those line dancers are a nice bunch of people. If they see you out there trying to do a line dance, someone nearby will start signalling or telling you what’s coming up so you can keep up (and out of their way! LOL!) I wasn’t there to impress people, I was there to have fun. And I did. And I learned A LOT of dances!
When I got inspired to make my first “story quilt” (a fabric wallhanging that tells a story) there weren’t any instructions or books out there. (Again, this was in the mid-1990′s. Hmmm….I’m noticing a pattern here!) I was trying to make figures about 4-6″ tall out of fabric. I tried lots of techniques with materials I had on hand. It was challenging, and it was fun. I didn’t know what I was doing so I got creative. I’m pretty happy with the resulting wall hanging, and what I love is not only the memories of the story it tells, but the memory of the explorer I was while making it.
When my son with Down Syndrome was born in 1988 it was a shock to say the least. And society had come a long way in respecting and supporting individuals with the disorder. There was early intervention and support groups and books (“My Son the Mongoloid” was still on the shelves at my local library!!!) My son (my second) was a perfectly healthy boy with that extra chromosome. From the very first day I had to ignore the status quo. “Babies with Down Syndrome can’t nurse.” Well, he WAS nursing and did so for 18 months, thank you very much. “Babies with Down Syndrome can’t ________” or “won’t ________.” Well, my son was lucky enough to have an independently minded woman as a mother. I wasn’t going to be in denial, but I wasn’t going to let someone else define my (or my son’s) reality, either. He did, and he could, and still does!
There is nothing wrong with rules or instructions or advice. We all need them sometimes. And we all probably get more than we need at times. What I believe, and have taught my 4 sons, is that it’s OK to question. And it’s important to take stock of your reality, your abilities, and think for yourself. There might be a different way of doing things that suits you better. It might not be in the rule book, but it doesn’t make it wrong. Sometimes following instructions makes things easier, but it doesn’t stretch you as a creative, spiritual being. When we break the rules we create something new, something different. It may not always be the best, or perfect, but it’s ours. It’s how we find our authentic selves.
******
Married mother of 4 sons, friend to multiple house pets and a couple of horses. Besides sewing, I love country/western dancing and trail riding with my husband. We have what seems to be an ever-expanding household full of family and friends, so cooking large quantities of food and laughing a lot are daily activities. I have been using a sewing machine since I was about 11 years old, making clothes for myself for about 30 years, then I began exploring other types of fabric art and embellishment. I love vintage textiles and design and create or embellish accessories and clothing with them. I have a nice collection of barkcloth, which was used as curtains in the 1940′s and 1950′s and has some really fun and funky patterns and colors. Now I am beginning to focus my business on creating memory quilts from clothing and story quilts, which can include imagery from photos, symbolism, memories, and fabrics from clothing.
If you hang out in circles devoted to success or happiness for long, you will certainly hear people talking about being “present.” And yet, it seems elusive to most people. I know because the people in my life who are consistently present stand out. They are not the norm; however, they are the most loved and admired people that I know. When I am around them, it feels different. It feels amazing. The crazy thing is – we can all give that feeling to other people and ourselves for free. Pretty awesome, right?
Here are 5 principles for becoming more present:
You are not your mind. In order to play with being present, you have understand that your mind chatter, your thoughts, even your precious feelings are not YOU. You are the observer, the one watching, listening to all of your drama – not the one creating it. You are the pure, unbroken, perfect spirit.Now, your mind isn’t bad, it is a tool. A great tool, in fact. Without it you would not be able to get around the city without getting hit by a car. It is like your trusty laptop, it gives you great information, it can create amazing things, it can calculate probabilities for you– but it isn’t you. You are not your computer, and you are not your mind.
Resistance if futile. That’s what they say on Star Trek – and they are right! What you resist persists, because resistance is intense focus, and focus is a whole lot of attention. And what you put your attention on – grows!
It’s perfectly natural to want to push away unpleasant feelings or situations, but the fact is: if it is happening, then it is happening. The more you can welcome what is, the more authentic you get with life and the more present you become.
Now is all you have. This is it. This is your life. This moment is it (and look how smart you are – you are using it to read this blog ). The past and the future are just mental concepts. If you spend your life spinning past events in your head like a never ending washing machine or worrying about the future, you miss the gold. Now is the gold, here for your taking. Take it.
You get to decide, each and every moment, whether you are going to be downtrodden or delighted. This is a choice. Situational happiness (just like situational sadness) passes, and if you are always searching for a “means” to being happy, you will find many fleeting circumstances, but nothing of true substance. True, substantial happiness is a choice that you make. Make it.
You can not be anyone else. You can not be any different in this moment. No two things can occupy the same space at the same time. So since you occupy this moment, you can not possibly occupy this moment as a different version of you. You can not have made different choices in the past; the only choices that you can make differently are the ones you make now. So, quit beating yourself up and comparing yourself to others. You are you! And that is amazing. Like Dr. Seuss says, “You are you, that’s truer than true. There is no one alive that is youer than you.”
Step back from playing that character with your name. Instead of remaining deeply entrenched in this person’s thoughts and swept up in their drama – yes, yes, they’re your thoughts and your drama, and they’re oh so important – broaden your awareness. In this way, you can learn to witness your words being spoken, your feelings being felt, and your thoughts being thunk, all the while maintaining some perspective and avoiding judgment. Judgment blocks our ability to see what is really happening, because our thoughts get in the way, categorizing, filing, and comparing. Having perspective doesn’t mean being aloof; it allows you to see the mental and emotional noise for what it is, and really devote yourself to what’s at hand. The alternative is to be at the mercy of your (usually unacknowledged) thoughts and feelings, a product of your reactions – which greatly infringes on your ability to really be present with what’s actually going here and now. The more you observe, the more you naturally take your seat as the observer and can move out of your obsession with your mind. You also get the opportunity to fall in love with the world as it is, right now.
If you follow these 5 principles I guarantee that people will feel different in your presence, and you will also be a happier and more successful. In fact, I believe that if you practiced these principles with conviction – there is nothing you could not accomplish. But you must be present to win.
Briana will also be a part of the upcoming Soul*Full Summit! Don’t miss learning insightful tips on how to become more fearless from this incredible life leader! Sign up HERE. it’s FREE!
"I have so much more to say to you about your lovely e-course - it's been by far the absolute BEST I've ever taken...It's been exactly what I needed...every week - totally spot-on. Catherine, oh fearless leader, I hope you seriously consider a SoulFull 2!" - Rachael F.
Hi, I’m Amanda Oaks, curator of connection & provisioner of benevolent beauty at Kind over Matter & Words Dance. Mama. Lover. Poet. Multi-Passionate Solopreneur. Kindness Advocate. I love laughing more than most anything. Wanna rock this trip around the sun? Dig this.
Married mother of 4 sons, friend to multiple house pets and a couple of horses. Besides sewing, I love country/western dancing and trail riding with my husband. We have what seems to be an ever-expanding household full of family and friends, so cooking large quantities of food and laughing a lot are daily activities. I have been using a sewing machine since I was about 11 years old, making clothes for myself for about 30 years, then I began exploring other types of fabric art and embellishment. I love vintage textiles and design and create or embellish accessories and clothing with them. I have a nice collection of barkcloth, which was used as curtains in the 1940′s and 1950′s and has some really fun and funky patterns and colors. Now I am beginning to focus my business on creating memory quilts from clothing and story quilts, which can include imagery from photos, symbolism, memories, and fabrics from clothing.
). The past and the future are just mental concepts. If you spend your life spinning past events in your head like a never ending washing machine or worrying about the future, you miss the gold. Now is the gold, here for your taking. Take it.
